Looking at who I was 4 years ago, heck even 1 year ago, I’m so grateful and proud to see how far I’ve come, how far God has brought me. I believe in myself again, not perfectly, but much better than before. I’m only going to get better.
So many good and bad feelings. Did a ton of researching today after missing class (alarm clock didnt do a thing for me) since i was up late at babes, crying, hugging, holding on for dear life), so i feel better about this huge paper for english. sweet. Pushed Boyfriend to go to Washington with his fam (i know he’s been wanting to visit his bro for a long time), he said no cause he didnt want to be apart (hardly even two weeks, but its the longest we’ll have gone so far, its hard) , but I knew deep down he did miss his only big brother, and really needed a good get away after this stressful-ass job he just left. My stomaches been churning since last night (when the decision happened), and up till now (he just left with the fam), after I ate a handful of triscuits. I have mixed feelings. Happy to have time to study and research and chill, and see old friends. Sad to not be able to run to him whenever i need a hug or kiss, nap, or a good time with my lover. What i want most is for him is to feel happy, and enjoy his time away, and feel like he finally got a vacation from this shithole town, with the shithole job, and smelly brown air. He deserves so much. He is a beautiful soul, with a beautiful heart that loves and cares for me, with a mind that intrigues me, and altogether, squishable lovingness that is all i could ask for. Yes, we have a lot to work on, but everyone does, and no matter what happens, i will always be grateful to have met him, and have had him in my life, he inspires me.
I hope he really enjoys himself up there, and that he comes back feeling refreshed and good. I hope we both take time to pray and think about our lives, and what we want to do, and where we want to go, and how to get better. I hope the distance makes our Hearts Grow Fonder for each other.
I truly am grateful for all i have, dont get me wrong for the negative words earlier, im just not in a great mood. Oh, and I dont care to edit this very sloppy and grammatically horrible vent blog post.
I’m gonna use this bad energy towards my work, work harder, probably even go to the gym, study harder, push through the bad feelings, and replace them with positive thoughts, and some good ol’ me time.
I’ve been thinking about this idea, it’s been tripping me out, and it keeps coming up. I don’t know what the future holds, but I trust the Lord knows what’s best for me, so I’m going to take life day by day, be grateful, be productive, and be as much of a light in other’s lives as i can. I’m not even close to perfect, nobody is, but I’ve gotten better, and im getting better, always.
Yesterday he told me he’s claimed me, he’s going to marry me. I told him to not be so sure of himself, because only time will tell. It’s his choice if he wants to treat me like a princess forever. Im just scared of boys. Im scared of all the stories im told, how it seems so perfect, with the imperfections, and then ten years down the road a part of you is empty inside, he gets bored, he cheats, youre heartbroken, ruined. ugh. I dont like people to say what they want to do, say it if you please, but i want it to be shown, i want to see it, and trust and believe it, and have it be solid and true, forever. Ups and downs are there, but I won’t rush into marriage, I wont rush into something that im unsure of. I’m not like most young people in this generation. i wont give my all before im married, thats married people do, thats what its for. I wont throw myself at anyone, that was in the past, with that one fool, who didnt know what a gem i was, a diamond in the rough. I know this now. I know who i am. I know who i want to become. I know where im going. well for the most part, the details, ill leave those up to the daily, to God. I’m just at a place where I love the love of my life, mine. im in school. college. i commute. i have homework. a full schedule worth of homework. work. im a waitress/server. and then time inbetween for sleep, and maybe see my boyfriend for a day or two. used to be everyday. i’ve adapted so much as time has gone by. I have changed so much. for the better. im stronger than i once was. so much more mature. disciplined. still working on it. but man am i happy with where God has brought me, out of that pit of darkness, depression, no direction, empty, no life. To this place of inspiration, inspiring, love, loving, work, working, a lot of living. So many adventures to come. I’m excited for them. I’m not planning my marriage. I’m planning on following where God directs me, I’m planning on that, and on peace and joy and love. Everything else is pliable, fixable, ever changing, ever growing. I’m excited. Im grateful for all that i have, right now, where im at. I wanna do my best with my time, to do my best, to not let this time pass by, without some sort of work or effort to be shown, in the near future.
Work. Work. Work.
Results. Results. Results.
Thank you Jesus for Life and Love and lessons and hope and blessings.
Nobody wants to read your shit.
There’s a phenomenon in advertising called Client’s Disease. Every client is in love with his own product. The mistake he makes is believing that, because he loves it, everyone else will too.
They won’t. The market doesn’t know what you’re selling and doesn’t care. Your potential customers are so busy dealing with the rest of their lives, they haven’t got a spare second to give to your product/work of art/business, no matter how worthy or how much you love it. What’s your answer to that?
1) Reduce your message to its simplest, clearest, easiest-to-understand form.
2) Make it fun. Or sexy or interesting or informative.
3) Apply that to all forms of writing or art or commerce.
When you understand that nobody wants to read your shit, your mind becomes powerfully concentrated. You begin to understand that writing/reading is, above all, a transaction. The reader donates his time and attention, which are supremely valuable commodities. In return, you the writer, must give him something worthy of his gift to you."
(Source: , via explore-blog)
- Henry David Thoreau
Truth. Preach. Hopes. Dreams. Life. Success. At best.